No Ordinary Prison
One of the questions I am often asked is, “How can I forgive my spouse who has offended me repeatedly?” That’s a fair question that can only be answered by no less than Jesus Himself.
In a conversation about forgiveness, here was Jesus’ response to a similar question: “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus responded, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:22) –In other words, never stop forgiving. That’s how!
But That’s Unfair!
Well, life is too, unfortunately. But as I have pointed out in previous posts, when we learn to receive the Lord’s forgiveness for our sins, we will learn to give it to others in turn. Then over time as we choose to forgive, our spiritual as well as our emotional muscles become stronger and our ability to forgive becomes second nature to us.
Of course it’s unfair. It’s the same reason why Jesus had to die for our sins despite the fact that he was not guilty of any. You see, every infraction is a debt and every debt needs to be paid. Moreover, every payment has a cost. This means that each time you forgive someone, you are effectively paying for that person’s debt against you—and that’s a hard thing to do.
Unmerciful and Wicked
After Jesus was asked this question on forgiveness, he proceeded to tell a story about a servant who was deeply indebted to his master, the king. Pleading his case before his master and asking for mercy, the king granted his plea.
Immediately after, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him so much less than what he owed his master and insisted that he pay him back immediately. Unable to pay, he had this servant thrown in prison. The king heard of the incident and had the servant brought before him. Here’s what happened:
“Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.” (Matthew 18:32-34)
To Jesus, not forgiving another person of his offenses against us is wickedness. More than that, it actually angers God so much that He makes us languish in the prison I have described last week. In another translation, this wicked servant was “tormented” in prison until he could pay back what he owed.
Tormented?
Yes, tormented. Fact is, unforgiveness is no ordinary prison; it is a prison of agony and torment for those who choose to put themselves there. Think about the people who have offended you whom you have not forgiven: there they are, nonchalantly enjoying life while you are tormented that they are doing so, and are oblivious of your hurt feelings.
I find this often happening to me. Marie does something to offend me and I say, “I forgive you” while deep down inside, I still haven’t. Then she goes around the house, smelling the flowers, savoring her meals, going “tra-la-la-la-la” while enjoying her day and there I am, tortured. Why is she having the time of her life and here I am in misery?
When we don’t forgive, we are the ones who are in torture, and not the person we’ve ‘forgiven’. The solution, as Jesus said, is to keep on forgiving. In the end, this will benefit your soul and your marriage.
But what about grave situations such as adultery, physical injury, illegalities or threats to life and limb? Jesus’s answer still stands: forgive up to seventy-seven times.
Next week, I’ll tell you what to do after you forgive. Make sure you don’t miss it because there I’ll explain what I just wrote and also tie-up this forgiveness series.
Read related articles:
Uncaged Freedom
How to Kill your Marriage
Love Strained
The Love Fruit
The One Lesson That Changed my Christmas
Why We Keep Watching Love Stories
Love and a Warm Heart
Love is not a Verb
How to trust in Troubled Waters
The Truth about Bad Breath
The True North of Trust
The One Lesson That Changed My Marriage
How to Turn the One Lesson Into Reality
The Risk and Responsibility of Trust
The History of Trust
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