The True North of Trust
A good way to tell if you're headed in the right direction is by using a compass. A compass guides you to your destination by veering you away from all the wrong paths and leading you only to the right one. In the journey of marriage, your compass would be trust. The starting point, the north of trust, is the truth.
Trust and truth are so intricately connected that they are one letter shy of each other. The more truth found in a relationship, the more trust there will be and the stronger the relationship becomes. Hence without truth, there can be no trust.
Like trust, truth is a matter of the heart. Unfortunately, our hearts have a penchant for deception. The Bible tells us that: "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.- (Jeremiah 17:9)
The Hard Truth
Jesus once said that the truth sets us free. The story of Adam and Eve tells us that Eden was once a place of freedom for both of them while they walked in the truth of God's Word. But when they started to believe the lies about God, they broke away from the relationship and became enslaved to sin.
What is sad about this story is that Adam and Eve forgot the one thing that could have restored their relationship with God: the truth. When God asked Adam the truth, his response was to blame the woman and God. So then God turned to Eve to get to the bottom of it: "Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?- The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate.- (Genesis 3:13)
This was Eve's version of the truth. At first glance, Eve's response looks like the truth. It is with no doubt that the snake deceived her. But here lies the problem with arriving at the truth: it is not as easy to find as we think it is.
The truth, the absolute truth, was that Eve's misplaced desires caused her to sin. This could not be found in her words, but in the depths of her heart: "So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.- (Genesis 3:6)
In the same way, absolute truth is never found in the façades we see. Rather, it is revealed in the innermost thoughts of a person. As Antoine de Saint Exupéry said, "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.-
The Cover-Up
Adam and Eve's attempt at denying the truth was to cover up their nakedness. Like our forefathers, we have become so adept in showing who we would rather be than revealing who we really are. We choose to believe in airbrushed images more than the reality behind them.
This "covering-up- business that works so well in the media can never work in a marriage. Interfacing with our spouses 24/7 makes us experience the good, the bad and the ugly—the whole truth and nothing but. There is no faking life here.
The wonderful thing about marriage is that in it can two people be both naked and unashamed: to be known for who we really are, to be loved and accepted, despite our imperfections. Given all this, how can we walk in the truth in our marriage? Here are three simple steps:
1. Avoid Synthetics
Synthetics are substances that mimic the real thing. The most common synthetic material is plastic. When I was a teenager, we called things that didn't represent the truth "plastic.-
From ceramic plates to stainless steel utensils, almost anything nowadays can be replicated and made into a "plastic.- And while that's not a bad thing, "plastic- counterparts end up being treated as disposable because they are not as valuable as the real thing.
Marriages aren't synthetic; they are the real thing. They have value because they form the foundation of families. Because of this, they cannot be treated as disposable relationships. If we want a lasting relationship, we must settle for nothing less than the truth in our marriages. We must always strive for the real thing.
2. No Other Versions
The truth is not what you make of it. One plus one equals two; any other answer is simply not true. Truth does not have many versions. There is just the truth and the lie. Adam and Eve chose to believe their version of the truth rather than face the reality of their deception.
A good verse to remember is: "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.- (1 John 1:8) No matter how you spin it, there is only one absolute truth. Train your heart to seek for this absolute truth, not the synthetic or your best version of it.
3. Keep Things Simple
Jesus said, "Let what you say be simply ‘Yes' or ‘No'; anything more than this comes from the evil one.- (Matthew 5:37) Another way of saying this would be to keep things simple.
Finding the truth is not very complicated. It's calling a spade a spade, or even simply, letting your "yes- mean yes and your "no,- no. Not so complicated now, is it?
In the same way that a compass guides us on the journey to our destination, trust guides a marriage to reach its true destiny. Trust, like a compass, operates on one premise: truth. And it is only in striving for the truth daily that we find our way home and into our spouse's loving arms.
To be continued
Read related articles:
The One Lesson That Changed My Marriage
How to Turn the One Lesson Into Reality
The Risk and Responsibility of Trust
The History of Trust
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