Parenting Imperfect Children Part 2
Here is the continuation of my post last week on Perfect parenting does not mean perfect children.
You’ve heard your parents say, “Wait till you become a parent.” Often they say that out of frustration when we do not listen.
There is some truth to the statement. Growing up when my parents were asked to visit the principal’s office we all knew what it meant. Joey has not been a good boy again.
Now that I am a parent, true to their statement, I am unsettled and intimidated at the invite to the principal's office. I am reminded of one such invitation, a letter to talk about why my son was to be posted outside of his classroom and will have to stay after school.
The Day of the Posting
Apparently, he was guilty of pushing a classmate. And since he was bigger than him it was looked upon as bullying. Thankfully the school did not tolerate the behavior.
On the day of the posting I informed my assistant that I was taking the afternoon off. I went to the school to meet with the principal. After listening I asked him if I could be posted with my son.
He was taken aback. Puzzled, he asked, “What do you mean?” Exactly that, I wanted to be posted together with him. I figured now that he was a teenager it was getting harder to get focused, undistracted time with my son, here I was guaranteed full attention with no distractions.
I stood beside my son in the hallway. He turned surprised that I was standing there. “What are you doing here?” I said, just hanging out with you, I’ve asked if I could be posted with you. He smiled. I could see his brain processing, “He’s got me cornered.”
The Parenting Lesson – emphasis on parenting
I asked, so what are you and I going to talk about? Our conversation went everywhere from basketball to food and his brothers, we were laughing and an hour had passed without notice.
He introduced a classmate who was passing by, "He's my Dad," pointing to me, in case his friend wondered who the guy was. His classmate reported back to his friends that my son was posted with his father. Heads started to peek out of the classroom to see the weird thing. They were giggling. I guess they thought he's got him self in real trouble now. But they were also wondering why we kept on laughing.
Over an hour into it with more laughter, the principal arrived and said we could just sit out the rest of time in one of the empty classrooms. I think we were becoming a distraction. In the meantime my son and I had a great time together.
The lesson: imperfect children still need quality parenting. And if you will recall from part one, that’s how God parents us His imperfect children.
The Parenting Lesson – emphasis on lesson
After some time, I told my son the truth about his situation. I told him that there is no question about how much I love him. And that I was willing to stand with him in his darkest moments and even in those times when he is guilty of mistakes. He couldn’t do anything that would separate him from my love for him.
The reality however is that’s all I can do. I explained to him the principle of ultimate responsibility. That even if I wanted him to be healthy and successful, I couldn’t do it for him, because we are each responsible for our lives.
I can’t eat for my son, I can’t study for him, I can’t behave for him. In the end even if I love him if he commits a crime he goes to jail and I go home. I can only visit but I go home.
Summary
In parenting imperfect children they must always know that we love them and that we will always be there for them. But in the end they need to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
There is a God who has rules and He has laws that will be a blessing when obeyed and has consequences when transgressed. The point: love your children by not compromising the truth.
"When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, people’s hearts are filled with schemes to do wrong." Ecclesiastes 8:11
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