Ping-Pong
I am taking the time to write another article on listening because most of my friends tell me that there are more people who have this problem that those who don’t like to express themselves.
In my last post, I gave some tips that have helped me communicate better. I also wrote about the two essentials of communication namely speaking and listening. Both are important but depending on your strength, one could be easier than the other.
In my case, speaking came more naturally than listening. I rarely had a problem expressing my thoughts to Marie. But if I wasn’t careful, I could alienate her from the exchange if she realizes that I am not really concerned nor am I listening to her.
Listening involves a clear understanding of the where the person is coming from, what she is trying to communicate and, if possible, thinking about the reason why she is saying what she’s saying.
An Essential
Robert Logan and Sherilyn Carlton in the book Coaching 101 describes listening as “the essential cornerstone of every relationship. How do you help people think through their goals, opinions, [and] their feelings? By listening. People want to know they are being heard.”
Oftentimes what we call listening is not really listening. To be specific, your silence in a conversation (while the other is speaking) doesn’t necessarily equate to listening to them. This is because we already know what we’re going to say after they speak; we’re merely paying them the courtesy of waiting for them to finish before we speak.
Playing Ping-Pong
My wife Marie once gave me an illustration that helped me not just to see but to understand the importance of listening. Here’s what she said:
“Joey, you need to learn to play Ping-Pong. Talking to people is like playing Ping-Pong. You have to hit the ball and then let the other person hit the ball back to you. No one will want to play with you if you’re the only one hitting the ball. You can’t expect people to just keep picking up the balls that you hit.”
Her message hit home. Marie did not just give me a tip like “bite your tongue”.
She raised the ante and made me see how I myself would not like to spend time picking up someone else’s balls. Communication is an exchange; and like Ping-Pong, it becomes enjoyable only when each player is able to hit the ball back to the other.
Keeping in mind the advice of James 1:19’s “…be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” one of the benefits of listening and curbing our words is that we don’t get angry as easily.
Listening is a lot like Ping-Pong. We are sometimes gentle and other times aggressive with our words, but by genuinely listening to one another can we communicate effectively and enjoy the exchange.
To be continued…
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