Why Hollywood's Version of Love Doesn't Work
From Rock Hudson and Elizabeth Taylor to Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson love teams and themes have been a Hollywood staple offering. As I have written last week these are high-grossers because we are wired on the inside for love. Unfortunately the vast majority of these teams are marriage failures in real life.
Rock Hudson, a well known homosexual became the first celebrity to die of AIDS. His marriage to Physllis Gates ended in divorce with her citing mental cruelty as the reason. Elizbeth Taylor married and remarried 7 times, enough said. As for Kristen and Robert, the long running roller-coaster relationship on and off screen is finally over.
No matter how many versions of the same story come out, both men and women still bite into Hollywood's version of love every single time. Sadly, these movies have turned into somewhat of a fantasy, especially among women (I am told). It is often the reason why many people have become disappointed with their relationships. They try to pattern their love story to these films.
So why doesn't it work? Here are four reasons why.
1. There is no such thing as a 90-minute guide to relationships.
Movies offer us a 90-minute long slice of life. No one ever tells us what happens to the movie character after the credits. We have been so used to thinking that life is like a 90-minute movie that will end happily in the next moment or so. Marriage is not a 90-minute sprint to the finish line, it's a lifetime marathon. You can't understand relationships in an hour or so, it takes a lifetime of patience to master relationships.
2. Marriage is real and these teams and themes are not.
Realistically speaking, the things we see in movies rarely happen to any of us. And for that, I say thank goodness. Because while the drama would be exciting, my life would only be giant headache if it were anything like a woman's favorite chick flick.
The decisions that movie characters make affect them for the next 30 minutes or so while your decisions have more like a 30 year impact on your marriage. So when you make a decision, think long-term. Everything else is negligible.
3. Fantasies don't work and real marriages need hard work.
No matter how hard it can be at times, marriage does have its perks. But you only get the perks if you work for it every day. The success of your marriage is not determined by some one-time grand gesture of showing your wife why or how you love her. Rather, it is comprised of small decisions and gestures you commit to doing everyday as you interact with your spouse. This we learn through constant sacrifice, commitment and faithfulness.
4. Extreme love depicted in movies are not real.
There's no denying it: the reason why people are so attracted to these movies is because, as I mentioned previously, people are built for this kind of love. While this extreme kind of love can only be attained through Jesus, it is not impossible to experience a love like this with our spouse by letting God be the one to make it grow.
Marriage, unlike the movies, is real. You simply cannot pattern your lives to the movies. It takes time, work, and a love like God's to get it right. To have this version of love in our marriage we need to step away from Hollywood's version and allow God's word to be the basis of our story.
Read related articles:
Why We Keep Watching Love Stories
Love and a Warm Heart
Love is not a Verb
How to trust in Troubled Waters
The Truth about Bad Breath
The True North of Trust
The One Lesson That Changed My Marriage
How to Turn the One Lesson Into Reality
The Risk and Responsibility of Trust
The History of Trust
My Comments Policy
While my site offers visitors the ability to converse, I have a few ground rules so that our conversations will remain civil and courteous.
1. You must register in order to leave a comment. I don’t entertain pseudo, anonymous or bogus individuals. This site is my home (it has a Home Page, get it). I don’t let strangers who don’t introduce themselves into my home.
2. I love questions. I love them because a lot of times they are similar to someone else’s questions and can even trigger other questions from others. Questions also keep us all sharp. This is also why I respond to them as best as I can and at the soonest possible time. I believe that group answering benefits more people than private email exchanges.
3. We don’t have to agree. Debates are welcome. However, whether it is with me or any other visitors of my site, my rule is this: disagree if you must but keep things civil. That’s just how I run my home, and you are a visitor here. No shouting; I have seen it done in writing. No cursing and no insulting.
4. I reserve the right to delete your comments. Like I said, this is my home. I do not have an obligation to publish your comments. As a human being, you may enjoy the freedom to express your opinions on your own site but not on mine. To be specific, I will delete your comments if you post content that is in my sole opinion: (a) snarky; (b) off-topic; (c) libelous, defamatory, abusive, harassing, threatening, profane, pornographic, offensive, false, misleading, or which otherwise violates or encourages others to violate my sense of decorum, civility or any law, including intellectual property laws; or (d) “spam,” i.e. an attempt to advertise, solicit, or otherwise promote goods and services. You may, however, post a link to your site or your most recent blog entry.
5. You retain ownership of your comments. I do not own them and I expressly disclaim any and all liability that may result from them. By commenting on my site, you agree that you retain all ownership rights in what you post here and that you will relieve me from any and all liability that may result from those posts.
6. You grant me the license to post your comments. This license is worldwide, irrevocable, non-exclusive, and royalty-free. By posting comments on my site, you automatically grant me the right to store, use, transmit, display, publish, reproduce, and distribute your comments in any format, including but not limited to a blog, in a book, video, or presentation.
In short, my goal is to host interesting conversations with caring, honest, and respectful people. I believe this clear and simple comments policy will facilitate this.
